Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to the grand carnival of chaos, the universe’s biggest largest complete one stop shop of wit, sarcasm, and humor absurd enough to cure your Monday blues. If laughter truly is the best medicine, it is time to overdose. Warning: Possible side effects include uncontrollable giggles, sudden snorts, and on rare occasions a spit take.
When God Hits “Shuffle”
You know one of those people who have no question in mind that the almighty fails sometimes too. You know, the type that makes you think, “Wow, evolution can really moonwalk sometimes.” It’s like their birth certificate came with a note that read, “Sorry, we tried our best.” On the flip side, the world wants diversity, and by diversity, I mean diversity in Wi-Fi connection strengths, rather than people with stronger Wi-Fi than their characters.
A Symphony of Sarcasm
If you’re slow enough, a sedated sloth looks faster than Usain Bolt. It’s another reminder that the gene pool desperately needs a lifeguard, every time we encounter such characters. Even a goldfish with amnesia seems like a Rhodes Scholar compared to their thought processes. The world truly is their oyster if oysters were wholly clueless.
Then there are those who redefine multitasking: breathing and being useless at the same time. They’re like waterproof teabags; 100% impractical but oh so amusing for being absurd. They’re not entirely unhelpful, more so, they are walking cautionary tales, something to not do because they’re living proof.
The Backhanded Compliment Art
You´ve ever met someone whose presence makes you happy, when they leave the room? Or somebody so charmingly fake even Barbie’s taking notes? Nature’s way of keeping things interesting. They’re the marshmallows in a world of pineapples: completely out of place and squishy and soft.
Let’s give credit where it’s due, however. These people are masters in unintentional comedy. Their dance moves? Imagine roller skates on rubber ducks. Their wit? What if a snail, on vacation, contemplated the meaning of life’s mysteries. And, their timing truly is superb, worse than a rubber chicken trying to be a stand up comedian.
Monday Morning Energy
Think about Monday mornings when everything just feels like work. That’s the human equivalent of a few people. They haven’t just been disapproved of, they’ve been universally loathed like soggy fries or accidentally stepping on Lego bricks. But they go on anyway, their blissful unaware of the chaos they create. Almost, it’s almost admirable.
The fact that they are ignorant, after all, is bliss, and I’m sure these folks are the happiest people alive. Their problems? Probably hard to pronounce. Their life advice? As useful as chocolate teapot for me. That’s what keeps life interesting, but hey, they’re the ones that always are.
The Roast Goes On
But we also shouldn’t forget the stars of every roast session. These are the ones who make you want to ask, “If I throw a stick, will you leave?” or quip, “You’re not ugly; you’re just…aesthetically challenged.” Like watching paint dry, the personalities behind this can be riveting, but they manage to steal the spotlight.
Also who can ignore their cutting edge problem solving skills? They start out of life like penguins in the desert confounded, and in that state stick with it in their own way: clueless, and a tad bit enthusiastic. It’s almost poetic.
A Toast to the Circus of Life
We need these delightful characters in our lives, at the end of the day. They’re the clowns, they’re the jesters, they’re the entire circus all mixed up into one. They’re the reason a bottle of shampoo has instructions and the inspiration for every “hold my beer” moment. Without them living life would be dull, predictable, and far less entertaining.
With that, here’s to the human version of a participation award. And may they continue to bless us with their nonsense, their hilarity and their, as with such incredible power, ability to make even the most patient among us roll our eyes into some other dimension.
Final Words of Wisdom
Before we part, remember this: That depends on how you measure it, I suppose — if you don’t think life is a comedy and it is a tragedy to them, if you think life is a tragedy and a comedy to them. Whenever you’re feeling down, go find someone who dances like a rubber chicken or debates like a squirrel against a walnut. It’s raining legends, so there’s lots to laugh about and plenty to laugh with.
And if you’re reading this thinking, “Hey, some of these sound like me!”—well, congratulations. The only reason the world even keeps turning is that people try to escape you. Keep being you, champ. The world needs a good laugh.
